you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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