Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize