everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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