then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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