Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
