finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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