I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As shirtless as possible
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
