I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You took a bar mat shot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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