I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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