fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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