is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Boobs speak an international language.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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