girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize