he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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