My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
