Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize