also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
