I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
