check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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