Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize