is your mom at the bar?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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