She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
