He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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