he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
