Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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