Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
