Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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