best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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