Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We smell like vodka and hangover
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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