awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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