stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
