Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
