Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
