I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
