No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
