Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize