I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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