maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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