Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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