Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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