Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
