so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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