I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
