I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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