I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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