why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
