3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
