OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
