Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
