Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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