we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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