Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
