Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize