That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
