They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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