Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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