She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
