We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
