he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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