You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
