Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
