Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
