were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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