Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
