we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
