i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
