So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
