Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize