I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
