My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize