You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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