How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he puts the penis in happiness.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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