Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
