Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
