Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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